How time flies

Its almost the end of the year and i had this sudden urge to look through my blog and post something. Its seriously like a time capsule. Back there and then, things that i complained about seemed insignificant or words that i’ve said meant more now. I like looking through my posts. I like to see how i thought or felt last time and experience how much i’ve grown in the span of months or years.

There will always be things that i will regret having said or done or things that i will look back upon as fond memories. But this is my past and it moulds me into who i am today. It may make me stronger, it may wear me down. But my past is a part of me and will always be.

The person i am today was created by the person i was yesterday.

With shadows overcast, i can barely breathe. And with every breath i take, it is stifling. Choking, heart accelerating, movements restricted, body degrading. Nothing is the same or will be the same. The past is dead and gone, the present is moving on too quickly, the future is soon near. Quietly, it creeps up to you, engulfing you, taking pleasure in watching you suffer. It consumes you, overwhelms you. laughs as you struggle and yet no one helps. It swallows your desperation, your pathetic state of self. You panic, lose control, start to fear, start to give up. This is what you deserve, this is what you did to yourself, this is your own fault.

 

I need a doctor.

Trying to be the best i can be in a person.

Try harder.

93 posts. 94 now

21 and still not wiser. Doing things without thinking about the consequences. Hurting people without meaning to. Where has all my conscience gone. Left to deal with my own mistakes. Dont wanna make a wrong choice. Else, there will be nothing left. And that’s a scary thought.

and we watch the world go by

Finally, an update.

Well, i guess this is worth updating about met Daniel at city hall at 3pm. been so long since we headed to somewhere else besides tampines and pasir ris. but today made all those past few months of tampines and pasir ris so worth it. HAHA. walked around then went to suntec to sit at macs. Had a good happy talk about everything. the decisions we made to go with each other, our feelings. Met up with kangwei at marina for dinner. shortly after victoria eddie, andrew and clarice came along. Went to esplanade for benji’s concert. First time i’ve ever been in esplanade concert hall. ahahh. the company made it nice. Benji was awesome on his violin. However, as i was commenting on his 15k violin to daniel, i kept saying guitar unconsciously without realising it before clarice corrected me. Damn embarrassing. OMG. hahah. After the concert we went to macs again to try the new seaweed shaker fries! Its nice k.

This is super image heavy that i took an hour to post all this up :/

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio [via: Amazing Posts]

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch!
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special..
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s,we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift

yes. need i say more? probably only to tell you who i love.

too bad i dont kiss and tell.

Mood: Reflective. Song: Casting crowns-Who am i.

Surrounded by the silence of the night.

I like moments like these. Moments when everyone else is sleeping and you can hear the stillness of everything. It feels like my moment, my time, my alone time. The period of silence, the soft sounds of my music, the gentle snoring of my sister reminds me that another day has passed, a new one is coming, an uncertain, unpredictable and new day.

My alone time got me watching ympact videos. Some i laughed at, some left me pondering and the one that left the most impression?

RAW camp photoslideshow.

RAW stands for Redemption At Work. Raw also meant being stripped clean, wiped away of all inhibitions, leaving one raw and unprotected, leaving a person’s soul almost perfect, almost as if one is finally worthy, and truly worthy to be called a child of God. I didnt attend the camp for who knows what truly terrible and lousy excuse. Regretted it but there’s no point crying over split milk. The twist was, i only felt the regret today. After a year. I felt the regret to attend RAW camp. As i mentioned, i saw the RAW camp photoslideshow. And it struck me so hard that i could see the clarity of everyones’ passion for God. I saw emotions in faces as they genuinely asked for forgiveness for their sins. As they asked for redemption. I felt what they were feeling. It didnt matter that i didnt attend camp. It didnt matter that i have absolutely no idea what the sermon was about, what bible study they had, what quiet time they did. But i felt it. God speaking to all of them. God telling them to be the salt and light of this earth. God telling them to go and make disciples of all nations. Disciples of him. God telling them to bless people, to let the poor be rich and the weak be strong. I saw all of that. From photos. Either the photographer is downright fantastic or this is some weird unknown phenomenon. But i know better, i know God was working his way through these group of people to outreach to others, to let us know he is our refuge, our shelter from come what may. And as i felt all these emotions, i realised that even though i have been in PMC all my life, i have never ever felt this connected to God until last year. It took me 19 years of my life to find God. He never gave up on me, but guided me patiently to the path i was supposed to take, despite detours and losing my way. He never gave up.

This year has truly been a good year for me so far. I’ve regained things that i lost. I forged friendships for life. And i found God, back in my life. And i know he has bless me, even though i am a worthless sinner, unworthy to be called a child of God. And so i pray, for his guidance through all my life, that i will forever love him as my father in heaven, as my friend, as my mentor and as my God. For because of him, i am blessed with the things he has done for me, amazed by the miracles he unravels, and overjoyed at the happiness he has given to me. For he is my father, my God. And always and forever shall be.

i am yours.

The week summarised in a post

Back to school after a really good weekend. Kinda depressing. I left my wallet at my sister’s chalet. So i couldnt sign in for attendance taking cause i didnt have my student card. Boyf was alone in town and i couldnt accompany him because of the horrendous palm taking screwed up machine. We have to take our attendance through palm scanning 3 times a day to prove you’re in school. LIKE OMFG. cant even skip if i wanted to. Nb

Saturday was spent at my sister’s 21st birthday bash which estimated a total whopping cost of 1.6K for expenses and she receiving almost 2K in cash gifts and presents. Like a dont know how many hundreds plus kate spade bag,a Titus diamond encrusted watch and many more. I havent seen all the presents yet. Lucky shit. Im so jealous. But my sister’s awesome too because she gave me 50 bucks for being the photographer for the night. Dragging me out from my meals to help her snap shots and literally taking every single person in the room that walked through the doors. Felt like a bloody wedding reception. However, my 50bucks quickly ran out because i am so heavily in debt with my family! HAHA. owe money for my dad’s christmas and birthday present, my mothers day present which i paid half already and my grandmother’s mother day present. ohmygod, how am i gonna save at the rate im going. Melbourne trip, Studio Shots and rainy day money. Gone case.

Enough of ranting, Baby boy’s sick and i want him to get well soon.

monday all over again

its monday. its school. i dread school.

My fyp is making me all jittery cause of how backward i am, how clueless i am and how stupid i feel. Kinda sucks, knowing that i need help for almost everything. I really just wanna pass this and get my diploma and graduate. Then i’ll go to uni and study a whole new thing. Kinda looking forward to next year actually. The time i get to graduate, the maybe melbourne trip with sam and van and the thought of embarking on something newer and more exciting for my career. My future still seems bleak. i have no ambition. i dont know what to do with my life. So im taking each step as i go on this journey and maybe, just maybe, at the end i’ll find something fufilling and worthwhile to me. Currently, im just studying my options in university. But right now, i should actually strive to complete my FYP. its crucial.

My leg’s itching damn badly again, like holy crap omfg kind of itchy. Wonder if its linked to not taking my antibiotics yesterday :/ So im scratching like mad and its red again and it feels like 3 days of medicine gone down to waste.

Stop scratching.